I am premenstrual, so I just need to vent about things. Things that I tolerate normally, but around this time of the month, realize I have no idea why the hell I put up with it.

I live primarily in solitude because people tend to further complicate life. Anyone who follows me knows I have been dealt some pretty dark hands in life. I cope by being reclusive, we all have our problems and ways of dealing. I try to stay optimistic, but I am frequently knocked down once I find that I am content. Being solitary is the only way I find that I’m alright. It’s my safeguard.

It does get lonely being entirely detached, but I chose to adopt this lifestyle young and its all I’ve really known. I admit its made me selfish, as my world IS myself. My experience in letting people in has been anything but pleasant. Not being able to trust your own judgement is an unsettling feeling, to say the least.

Idk if it’s just the area but girls are REALLY catty and I’ve been on the bitchy receiving end lately. Hmmph I dont like saying the word ‘catty’ because, like most tumblr’rs, I love cats.

I posted something on facebook about my experience turning 21 and going to the bars my first time….

‘Speaking of bitching, I swear to god every time I show up somewhere and am having a good time with my guy friends, random girls talk shit to me:( All I’m doing is smiling and laughing. This was my short lived experience with going to bars my first time. Should’ve figured le sighhhh’

This is generally any time I’m in public and around girls, so I like staying in my house. I try to be as sweet as possible to girls. I try to show them I am harmless. I would like to visit the hotspots and would like to make girl friends but unfortunately this negative behavior prevails and I get down about it.

Girls like to label me that harsh word. What do I do to deserve that title?? It’s obvious I have low self esteem, but I can say with confidence that I am not deserving of that title. I can be a sad girl, I am often a girl who is afraid, but I don’t whore around. Hellooo, I’ve had sex with three, you’ve had sex with thirty. I have been in a tumultuous relationship the last five years that many know little about. I do like girls, and it seems ever since I’ve been open about it, I am being judged. Liking girls doesn’t make me a whore. What does sexual preference have to do with being a tramp?

I am an odd kind of crazy, but not what you’d think when you hear ‘crazy bitch.’ I’m the girl you take your anger out on, the girl who should speak up, your easy target. The girl who’s scared to death of everything and is frigid and weak. But withstanding all I have, does that really make me weak? I do enjoy social lubricant. I would much rather be bat shit crazy in that sense, quietly, perhaps sometimes very sad, then be the aggressive, evil, crazy bitch who makes everyone’s lives hell. Those kind of ‘crazy bitches’ make me shake in their presence, and quite frankly scare the shit out of me.

I dont ask anything of anybody, the idea of true friendship sounds intriguing though.